Tasers patrol the mall for chances to silence Hollister and Aeropostle. Fads change with season as feet weep across the depressing ground.
Neon signs demand gifts from Black Friday crusaders adrenaline wastes away in the food court as respect and glory melt with each "super-sale" on Maybelline.
This exercise brings about an interesting way of culling the standard cliché of “emo” poetry by playing around with the language of the uncanny. The provided draft is a good start for expanding on such an exercise and there were a few elements that I wanted to point out with this particular piece. For one, the fact that the mall guards are presented as “tasers” is one interesting move to make in the very beginning as such a move indicates a kind of synecdoche, where the part represents the whole. Though I’m not sure if Chris is aware of this, it would be an interesting direction to go with describing the guards. Another shift that caught my eye was the description of shoppers as crusaders, which could also be expanded in description. Although the draft seems a bit allusive in it’s current state, the examples I have provided here should act as a gateway for future drafts.
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