What I must Have Thought When I Was Two
Looking at my face reflected the same guise,
a vertical panel of teeth not yet grown.
My knowledge of the grand Canyon
and its nightmares does not glimpse so easily
upon my face. I sit as if on a Windsor chair
brightened by the faux sunlight, scrambling
to say something but all that came were gutturals
and half knowing smiles. The ledge of my crib
was where I lingered, spying the unknown world
to colonize as the pale window moonlighted
as my heaven. I gazed through the mirror,
unaware that its reflection was not of another.
Welling from within I did not fear its nightly
gaze upon the closet. I always knew what was
hidden behind that door before my lids closed,
unhinged by the soft side of my pillow.
Ok I love this becuase I have a two year old.
ReplyDeleteand you have captured some lovely truth in this draft "The ledge of my crib
was where I lingered, spying the unknown world
to colonize as the pale window moonlighted
as my heaven. "
Do a little research on two year olds, and you will find that they can say more do more and perhaps even explain more. Bella was crawling out of the crib at two, and talking to her stuffed animals, sometimes singing to them. for the next draft i might suggest you add more of those particular things sprawled all over a two year old's room. You can expand this draft with that imagery, and know that at two the child understands everything to have the same quality as self. In other words a two year old personifies an awful lot, almost everything is to a degree still a part of them. I once went into Bella's room a few months back and she was singing to the moonlight as it spilled in the window. When she saw me she said look daddy, I'm pretty. She was pointing at the moon light, so the separation of self from other objects has not yet totally formed her language. Also, some two year olds can think of objects that are not present, although they generally again associate everything with self. Last two is the year repetition, nothing is done, said, utter or sung only once, but over and over again.
I think I may dig out my draft on Bella to the top of my journal if you want to check it out you will get a small sense of that, but from another speakers perspective not hers. Maybe that could be the new draft, anyway hope this helps and great stuff here.
The language in the following seems really compact and hard to follow: "My knowledge of the grand Canyon and its nightmares does not glimpse so easily upon my face."
ReplyDeleteCould you clarify the "its" in the following line: "Welling from within I did not fear its nightly gaze upon the closet?"
The point of view is so interesting and clear, but these two moments could use further clarity.
You might look at a framing strategy as a way to expand this. If you start by having the speaker making observations of another child, a niece or nephew, a friend's child, it could spark these memories for the speaker, or at least prompt the speaker to try imagining herself as a two year old. You could possibly link the Grand Canyon and other features within the lines of the frame stanzas by narrating a trip recently taken with the child's parents.
ReplyDelete